I hate my body. I wish I didn't, but it's one of those things I just can't help sometimes. every time i walk past a mirror, i have to look even though i know i will be disgusted. it's tearing me down and i can't stand it.

Summer Time Is Calling...

MHM, YA'LL! It's that glorious time of year again. ;) So excited! So far, been fairly unproductive and loving every minute. Miranda and I spent some time watching the Descent today and being lazy until Gracie came over for a little while. Then, Bryan and I went and saw Star Trek, which I really loved. It was so much better than I think the tv show is, which is probably because I am not really in that generation and whatnot. Anyways, tomorrow Bryan and I are taking a non-planned trip to the zoo with Courtney, Devin, and Gracie. They had planned to go and mentioned it to us and we were literally just talking the other day about going, so we are tagging along as well ! I think it'll be really fun! Then, double mother's day dinners with Bryan's family and mine!

Bryan's graduation is Sunday...I am just praying it doesn't rain because I really want to be there to see him graduate. But, if not, I guess I will see pictures and photoshop myself in, ha ha.

Why, yes, that is the world's smallest violin...

I have discovered that the one thing I absolutely LOATHE about college is that there is nowhere to be completely alone. I have been incredibly emotional lately, just sobbing over the stupidest things, but I have nowhere to do it without drawing attention to myself and that just makes me want to scream. I just miss my own room. :( and I cannot wait to be home for summer because I don't know how much more I can take of my own inadequacies being pointed out here at school. It's like oh, Rebekah, were you just starting to feel like you were smart? oh, well too bad because here's a C to bring you down just a little further in your already lacking self-confidence.. I promise I'm not clinically depressed (or as far as I know, I'm not...:) ) and I am not looking for pity, this is just my only real way to get this out. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I think I just need a break. Honestly, I just want to be home, taking a walk in the park or hanging out with all the people I haven't seen in so long. <3

Ugh, emotional rant over. My apologies.

Been thinking

So, this is gonna sound so 1950s of me to say this, but I have been thinking about this for a few months and I think one of the only things I really want to achieve in life is to be a mother. (this is NOT a hint at anything, trust me it won't happen anytime soon). I don't know why I was thinking about this, but I just know that's what I'm meant to do at some point. Honestly I couldn't be more excited but obviously I know it's a big responsibility. I wonder if that's why I don't (and have never) want to participate in those "regular" young people activities like drinking and doing various adolescent things. I think I've always been older than I seem at heart and just have never been remotely interested in doing something that alters my mindset. I don't think that a lot of people understand that because I'm certainly in the minority in my views, but I just really want to be a wife and mother. Maybe that's weird for a 19 year old to say, but that's just me. :)

And also, along with that, I just have never understood why people do stuff like that. Miranda and I were talking about how people always say "you should try stuff at least once" but I couldn't disagree more. haha...I just think life will be just as good if I never try that stuff. I think that's why Miranda and I are best friends and have been for a long time. And I'm very glad that the love of my life feels that way too. I think I finally found my perfect fit. I <3 you, BLD.

Summer is Near!

oh my gosh, my excitement in the fact that there are only 4 weeks of school left is really exploding now!!

i cannot wait for summer fun. i really love it. and birthday party! yessssh!

and harry potter 6, making shirts and whatnot!

:)

I am so excited. okay, excitement over. (not really). :D

I feel like I don't do as many fun things as I used to. I love life just as much as I did but I feel like I am much more reserved in what I like to do, like small group activities and quiet nights at home. Maybe that doesn't mean I'm less fun, but that I have just changed. That happens I guess. I just need to get used to it.

I am counting down days til summer <3

I need spring break to be here. NOW.

People are annoying me extremely easily now and I am stressing every 5 seconds about this and that. Also, I haven't heard back from School of Ed yet and I don't know what the deal is. It's making me panic.

I don't know if something is wrong with me medically, but I am also tired pretty much every 8 hours or so. I can sleep for like 12 hours and still want to sleep. I am not sure if dance marathon really messed me up that badly or if I have some sort of medical issue. Like right now I could go to sleep til morning. What the heck!?

that's it I guess.